


Leap.

by punkypeggy



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: POV Sherlock Holmes, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 21:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1444372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkypeggy/pseuds/punkypeggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's musings about mortality and the end of all things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leap.

There are times in which you need to walk towards the edge and look down.

 

To feel the vertigo, the nausea, the dull sensation tingling on the tips of your fingers, the tips of your toes, the tip of your tongue. To stare down, open-mouthed, to imagine the crash. The cracking of your skull, the wetness and warmness of your blood. The faint scent of iron in the air. And then, nothing.

  
  
I’m addicted to adrenaline, they say. Because an addict never really changes, only the poison of choice does. The need is always there, crouched, waiting.  _"He likes to take unnecessary risks, he gets off on that"_. What a tremendous lie! Never believe what others say about you unless you agree. Never change facts to suit theories and never adapt to the mould in which someone else says you fit perfectly.

  
I’ve lived in a perennial state of numbness half of my life. I needed to. I learnt to distance myself from emotion –not from reality, never from reality, I’m completely sane. I decided to put a label on myself to make it easier for others to understand. A tag hanging from my big toe as if I were a corpse, stating what people needed to know to justify my absence –”trauma caused by shot to the head/stab wound/blunt object/high functioning sociopathy”. I have to admit it worked quite well. People like tags. It saves them the mental effort and the problem of empathising. We learn by labelling and clasifying, so my tactic was effective.  
  


At some point, they stopped trying. Everyone does. You just have to find their pressure point and they all crack.  
  


The truth is I do what I do to feel alive. I need to remind myself that I’m mortal and finite, that I can be susceptible of making mistakes, that there are consequences. When you are as clever as I am, it is easy to forget. Sometimes it is a burden.

  
So I always walk towards the edge without leaping. I just stare, let the wind caress my face and walk away to live another day.

  
Until I crack.


End file.
